Pedestrian

For Sarah, who rides around in the back while I drive.
Less than a 3 minute read.

Direct, intense eye contact from a stranger that’s gone in a moment. It keeps happening to me, and I need to either accept it or stop looking into the windows of cars while I’m walking down the street.

I don’t like locking eyes with strangers because it feels like prying. Think about it: You’re an adult sitting in the back of a car. Maybe it’s a rideshare. Maybe you are going to brunch with your parents. Maybe you are third wheel on a trip out of the city to go apple picking. Whatever you’re doing back there, at this precise moment you look up from your phone and realize I am looking directly at you from four feet away on the sidewalk. Nothing good about that.

It wasn’t really my fault, and I think it was all just an unfortunate coincidence. I wasn’t looking anywhere in particular. There were a lot of cars. I was scanning. Gotta keep the head on a swivel out here. Intersections aren’t safe for inattentive pedestrians. I’m not trying to become a statistic. Or smeared roadkill.

The physics of it, the raw spatial logistics. That’s where the real blame lies. And why even blame physics? We may as well shout at clouds. I’m scanning. I’m concerned for safety. The car comes by; it’s turning. I’m already at the curb, my eyes are scanning, my head is on a swivel then BAM the car just slides into my scanning pattern. Nobody’s fault in that.

Timing for her looking up could not possibly have been worse. I mean it’s one thing to see the front passenger. Driver? No problem. They’re scanning. They’re watching traffic. Operating a piece of deadly machinery. If we lock eyes, we get a fleeting moment of understanding. A silent dialogue is completed in an instant.

“Don’t squash me.”

“I won’t. Don’t walk out in front of me.”

“I won’t. But seriously don’t squash me.”

“I won’t. I just got this thing waxed. Stop making it weird. I’m driving away now.”

A completely normal interaction. This was not that.

Just really terrible timing, really terrible. I’m standing there right at the edge of the curb. Thinking safety. Scanning is basically second nature. It’s instinct. I’m trying to keep us safe. I mean I have a child with me. My natural instincts to keep my progeny from being pancaked is what’s driving my gaze here. I’m not even looking at a thing and then I’m looking directly into the eyes of a grown woman riding in the back of a Corolla. I didn’t wake up deciding I’d ruin someone’s day.

If she’d just stayed looking down at her phone, we would have avoided all this.

I’ve got to stop looking in the windows of cars while I’m walking down the street.