Rat Pirates

For Zach Bacc the exterminator.
About a 1 minute read.

You don’t want rats on the playground even if they are fun rats pretending the jungle gym is a pirate chip. Even if the rats recruit the kids to plunder an island of candy and Fortnite V-Bucks, you don’t want pirate rats on the playground. The reason is that rats will scratch up the slide with their toenails and spread the bubonic plague if they mistake the kids for an anti-pirate force and bite the kids ankles in self-defense.

You don’t want rats in the sandbox, either, even if the rats are fun rats playing a game of pirates and they’ve buried candy treasure chests in the desert island sandbox. You don’t want those rats in the sandbox because they might climb into the little kids’ trucks and drive them away or interupt the sand tea party thinking it’s a refreshing juice bar for deserted pirates.

You don’t want fun rats playing pirates on the playground, because if the rats get hungry they might decide to eat all the kids guts out. They might eat them for pretend as part of the pirate game when they get pretend hungry, but the rats might eat the kids for real and that would be a real problem. Parents get mad when rats eat their kids guts.

Instead of rats on the playground, think about inviting some chipmunks. They are smaller, cuter, won’t eat kids because their mouths aren’t big enough, and most important they don’t like to play pirates.